Am I living it right?

This morning I woke up, as usual, thinking of the many things that clamor to find space in my day: the tasks, the people, the decisions. . Mornings are the most difficult time of day for me. The more I do in life, the more I learn, the more responsibility I acquire, the more I begin to sense in my spirit that I, of myself, have nothing to offer. And so I awake with a tremendous sense of responsibility which I know I am unable to measure up to.

How easy it is to turn my gaze inward upon myself, as if to create some sort of motivation or conjure up a measure of strength. But this is not enough.

I love my life. I am growing into a sense of blessing and of expectation. Anxiety that makes me want to hide under the covers is countered by an eagerness to see what will come of the day unfolding before me. It is incredibly rich and full of inspiring people and amazing moments, but that is not enough. As my life expands and my relationships grow I experience an overwhelming pull toward solitude. It is a craving to be in the presence of the divine.

So the question is posed: "Who am I that I should consider myself capable of surviving on so little prayer, so little time dwelling in the presence of God?" Whenever I see the rise of anxiety in my life, the lack of faith, I know I have a shortage of communion with God.

We are vessels of clay, formed by the hand of the Master Creator. Can the vessel fill itself? Can it pour itself out? It can never be. The most the vessel can do is to offer itself to be filled and to be poured out.

We must wake up every day and turn to the Almighty God and say "Today, live through me." Not, "Show me your will that I might do it on my own." Not, "Tell me what to do so I can do it." But "Live through me as though my body were your own, for it is, bought with a price, set free and surrendered back into your service. Fill me. Pour me out."

Unless we recognize our utter dependency on the One who holds all things together we can never hope to be part of accomplishing anything for His kingdom. Indeed, we can never know what it is that ought to be accomplished! How can we know the goal of the kingdom if we do not know the King? Our King is a planner of meticulous detail. He has laid out the most intricate blueprints of His plan and has set Himself in motion to accomplish them. The vision is perfectly formed in Him and only imperfectly understood by us. When we determine to forcefully advance this vision from our own strength the best we can hope for is a muddle of our own making. We must spend time, significant time in His presence. Walking with Him. Learning who He is and allowing our lives to be molded so that they can be filled and poured out.